Supportive Voice  Vol. 9 No. 3   Summer 2003

Sr. Terry Shields, RN, MA

Sr. Shields is a parish nurse facilitator with the Archdiocesan Parish Nurse Program, Archdiocese of Philadelphia. She can be reached by mail at Archdiocesan Parish Nurse Program, Archdiocese of Philadelphia, 146 Rector Street, Philadelphia, PA 19127.

The phone call came to the new pastor from out of state. Would Father please check in on an 81-year-old friend whose husband died the month before? With pastoral zeal, the priest set out to visit Mary, aware only that she was elderly and a recent widow. He was ill prepared for what he was to meet.

Sick and reclusive, Mary and her husband had for years never left their apartment. One day, her husband collapsed on the floor and died before her. Because he had no previous medical history, his body was taken to the coroner and subsequently cremated. Mary was devastated that her only human connection was taken from her. She continued in her reclusive ways, never venturing out, ordering her food from a local restaurant, and buying clothes she never opened from a catalogue.

Her little apartment was cluttered with the accumulation of her 80-plus years, and Mary had neither the will nor the energy to put it in order. Her living situation was cause for alarm for the apartment managers-as they feared for her safety and the potential fire hazard her unit posed.

When confronted by a concerned neighbor and asked who would look after her, Mary simply said, "My church family will look after me." And so it did in the person of the pastor, a Eucharistic minister, and the parish nurse.

After his first visit, the pastor knew that this situation was beyond his scope of expertise. He then called on the parish nurse volunteer who quickly determined that in order to do anything for Mary, confidence had to be gained. There was little to indicate that Mary was willing to change her lifestyle. Little by little, the nurse broke down some of Mary's defenses, got her to go for a few steps outside the apartment, and allowed someone in to clear enough clutter to make a path to the window where she could throw out the water that accumulated in her clogged sink. Mary danced the dance of the reclusive elderly, allowing some interventions but then changing her mind at a whim. The nurse continued to gain her confidence to the point of allowing a physician's assistant, on the parish health ministry team, to arrange for an assessment. The goal: getting Mary under medical care. All the while, other areas of healing were attended to through the ministry of the pastor and the Eucharistic minister.

Mary willingly accepted their ministry, but her grief and failing health took their toll. On a Sunday morning after the parish Liturgy, the Eucharistic minister brought communion to her. She was barely able to get the door to open. Once in the apartment, the Eucharistic minister realized the gravity of the situation. Mary was terribly sick and very weak. The parish nurse was called, and on arrival she immediately called 911 despite Mary's protestations. Finally, Mary agreed to go to the hospital, if the two women would accompany her. They did. Mary was not long in the emergency room before it became clear that she was not going to survive. The call was made to the pastor who arrived shortly thereafter. Mary died surrounded not by relatives - she had none - but by her church family.

Her funeral Liturgy was a celebration of muted joy. The pastor had used Mary's story as the focus of his homily the previous Sunday, during which he invited the parishioners to perform the corporal work of mercy of praying for and burying the dead. And so they came to the parish church to celebrate the lives of Mary and her husband Joseph, whose ashes she had saved to be buried with hers.

Again the pastor seized the opportunity to tell Mary's story and speak of how our stories intersect. It is as if God is found in the convergence of people and time. He reflected on how, in hearing the story of Mary's final days, one might think that he and the parish nurse and the Eucharistic minister were a gift to Mary. In reality, all agreed, Mary was a gift to them. The whole episode was also a gift to the parish; it was a beautiful example of the complementary aspects of the ministry. Mary, in her need, reminded the community that all ministries are necessary to truly be a church family.